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Grieving Process of Divorce
The emotional process of surviving
divorce and re-establishing yourself as
a healthy single individual takes time.
The demise of your marriage happened in
stages and so your healing process will
occur in stages. As with the death of a
loved one, you will need to grieve the
loss of your marriage. For some people,
this is an easy process, depending on
the circumstances of the marriage. Some
individuals begin this process prior to
even considering ending their marriage.
Others may not begin to grieve until
weeks after the divorce is final. The
stages of the divorce grieving process
include: denial/shock, resentment/anger,
bargaining, depression and
acceptance/recovery. Though not
everyone spends much time in each phase,
most people will need to recognize each
phase successfully prior to being able
to fully move on in the process.
When couples realize they actually are
going to get a divorce, they often feel
shocked and attempt to deny what is
happening in there life. Sometimes this
stage is more traumatic for individuals
who either weren’t aware that there
marriage had fallen apart or chose to
ignore the signs of decay.
After the initial shock wears off and
you have somewhat accepted that you are
getting a divorce, you may begin to feel
angry and resentful. This may be
directed at yourself, the world, or you
spouse. Unless acted out in a
destructive manner, feeling angry can be
useful in helping you to let go and to
begin focusing on your own needs. Most
often this stage is coinciding with the
beginning of the divorce process.
The third stage of the grieving process
is bargaining. You may find that
blaming yourself for the situation will
somehow make it easier to accept and
understand. Guilt is in the back of
your mind and you constantly relive the
events in hopes of finding the error
that might make everything alright.
Some individuals are able to seek a
temporary truce with their soon to be
ex-spouse during this stage.
The fourth stage of depression can lead
to intense feelings of loss, loneliness
and isolation. It is in this stage that
most people begin to let go of their
spouse as well as the idea that maybe,
just maybe, this won’t actually happen.
Depression may appear through physical
and emotional symptoms. These feelings
are all normal, to an extent. Emotional
feelings or physical symptoms persisting
for more than a few weeks may need the
attention of your doctor or a counseling
professional.
Recovery/Acceptance is the final stage
in the divorce grieving process. During
this phase you begin to emerge as the
new you, so to speak. You are ready to
begin accepting what you have been
through. Moving on occurs as you
develop new interests, adjust to new
routines and begin to reach out to old
and new friends. Recovery/Acceptance
is a phase of getting to know yourself
and working towards creating a healthier
environment for yourself and your
children.
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The Divorce Process Topics: (click on each for description)
Separating From Your Spouse
Choosing Your Lawyer
Consulting with a Lawyer
Attorney's Expectations from their
Clients
The
Role of Your Lawyer
Communicating with Your Spouse
Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce
Divorce Statistics
The Price of Divorce
Common Mistakes During Divorce and
Separation
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